The Weight of Living
by Sue-per Z
Summary: Ok, so you know when you are about to get caught for doing something really stupid? And I mean really stupid. Like worse than when you stick a crayon in the pencil sharpener just because someone told you not to? Yeah, well I do. So, let me tell you something, I don't care if you don't know where to run to or how far to go...just run as fast and as far as you can.


**It has been a really long time since I wrote anything for pleasure. I have been stuck with college applications, scholarship applications, classes, and dual college courses and right now I just need time for myself. Writing is my way of fighting stress and like I said, it has been awhile since I wrote anything so please bear with me. **

**I do not own Kingdom Hearts**

_"We were young and drinking in the park there was nowhere else to go and you said you always had my back oh, but how were we to know."_

_-Bastille (Bad Blood)_

_ Do you know that kid that always has to swing the highest even though their parents told them it's too dangerous? Do you know that kid that always has to have the last word in every argument? Do you know that kid that ignores all their mother's rules even though she gives them as advice? _

_ Well, I was—I am that kid. I am a nineteen year old kid._

_ No, stop, don't. Those are a few words I always heard growing up. Did I listen to them? Oh, hell no. Crazy, stupid, dangerous. Those are a few words I was always labeled as growing up. Did I live up to those insults? Oh, hell yes. _

_ I am dangerous, I am stupid, and I am crazy. But, what makes me absolutely psychotic is that I don't care. Bring me a gun and I will fire. Bring me a flame and I will make sure everything burns. Bring me some needles and I will turn into ash. _

_ That's my life. I don't fight it. Actually, it's__** expected**__ of me to be a screw up. It's __**expected**__ of me to be a disappointment. It's __**expected**__ for me to be a nobody. That's just my fucking life, and you know what? I don't fight it. _

_ I can't, I won't and I don't. I just don't fucking __**care**__ to fight for anything…not anymore._

* * *

"Get off your fucking ass, Lea," Isa kicked the side of my hip with his boot, "we got shit to do today."

My green eyes narrowed into slits as I glared at my best friend. I use the term 'best friend' very loosely. Isa and I have lots of history, I'll give him that. But, other than that we are pretty much just a bunch of junkies just waiting to get high. And you know what they say; 'high alone, die alone'. Don't ask me why we fucking say that. It's morbid, depressing, and pitiful but that is exactly what we are…got to live up to the name, you know?

Sitting up, I shook out my red hair only for it to fall back into my face, why do I keep this shit? Oh yeah, because I'm sexy. Girl's like sexy. Speaking of girls—"Where is Lara?" I look around for the feisty blond and I am not surprised to find her choking on her own saliva as she snores on the little cot in our 'home'. The hell hole—that's what we call it—is a small, two bedroom, one bathroom apartment that me and Isa have been 'borrowing' for the past two months. Ok, yeah, we stole it oopsy-fucking-doo.

"Your little princess is lying on that piece of paper you call a bed and waking up half of Radiant Garden! Why do you even deal with that bitch?"

Looking at my girlfriend, I shrugged, "She's got a nice rack?"

We both tilt our heads and ogle my girl's chest for a couple of seconds until Isa makes an indignant sniff, "Good point. But, still, it's your turn to wake her up. My arm is still healing from when she bit me yester—" the blue haired boy scoffed at me when I smirked and chortled at his demise before he continued, "Just fucking wake her up already. I'm starving and I love Lara's chocolate chip pancakes!" And with that he tripped over my guitar as he groggily walked out of the room.

When the door slammed shut, a predatory yet playful grin fell upon my face as I jumped onto Lara's sleeping form.

"AAAAHHH" the blond opened her piercing green eyes and flailed her arms under the blanket, "Lea! Get off of me!" Her screams suddenly morphed into laughter as I tickled her sides and kissed her neck.

"Get off with you? Is that what you said? Oh, honey, thou is a horny bitch." I laughed as I pinned her arms above her head.

"And thy boyfriend is a perverted, douche-dick!" Lara smirked up at me as I grabbed my heart in fake shock. Giving her a stern look, my eyes fell to her pink lips and I unconsciously licked my own as I tilted my head down to—.

**_BANG!_**

Lara kicked her leg out in shock and my dick had to pay the price as I fell over grabbing my junk and cursing Isa for barging into the room.

"Oh dude, shit sorry! Fuck that looks like it hurt. God damn," stroking his chin with one hand, Isa looked up to the sky, "I wonder what could make you feel better?" Making eye contact with Lara, Isa wiggled his eyebrows and rubbed his stomach, "How about some chocolate chip pancakes?!"

Rolling her eyes, Lara crawled over to my still form and kissed me on the cheek before standing up and running out of the room with Isa laughing behind her.

* * *

Pouting like a spoiled child, I crossed my arms over my chest and ignored Isa's and Lara's jokes about whether 'little pee-wee-Lea' was alright. Then when Isa suggested that the blond beside him 'kiss it to make it feel better' I nearly died as I felt the sudden rush of heat crawl towards my face. I usually don't let these types of comments faze me but when Lara caught my eye across the table and gave me a sultry pout matched with a wicked wink I couldn't help but turn into a tomato. I'm whipped, I am whipped fucking cream and Lara knew it. Deciding to give my poor soul a morsel of pity, Lara kicked Isa under the table when he started making kissy faces. And that made me feel better. Just a little bit.

Suddenly, I felt the familiar buzz of my cell phone in my pocket. Reaching down, I looked at the screen and saw the familiar three letter name branded on the top '_Mom'_. Shaking my head, I put the device back into my pocket. But, when I looked back up both of my 'roommates' were staring at me expectantly.

"It was just Mickey, he has some extra meth and he said he is going to sell it pretty cheap tonight," I informed them of the news I received yesterday instead of telling them the truth, "you guys up for it?" Mickey was our usual dealer. He is fucking annoying with his damn high pitched voice and his stupid red mouse t-shirts but, he had some good shit.

Lara shrugged one shoulder and Isa shoved another pancake on his plate. That was enough of a yes for me.

* * *

_ Ok, so you know when you are about to get caught for doing something really stupid? And I mean __**really**__ fucking stupid. Like worse than when you stick a crayon in the pencil sharpener just because someone told you not to?_

_ Yeah, well I do. _

_ I don't like running. I never did. But, let me tell you something, if you are a complete dumbass, then I advise you to start running 5 laps a day. I don't care if you don't know where to run to or how far to go. _

_ Just let me tell you something, run as fast and as far as you can. _

* * *

Mickey never showed up. Too bad right? Well, yeah too bad because the police decided to show up instead.

So, now we—me, Isa, and Lara—are running like the drugged up druggies that we are. We have no idea where me are going or how far to go. But, all I know is that we are going to run as fast as we can.

Yes, it was a bad idea to shoot up before we went to get _more_ drugs but in our defense, after you eat chocolate chip pancakes anything seems like a good idea. So, now we are running and I am laughing because we are so fucked.

There is a large fence coming our way and I start cursing every deity known to man because I am holding all of our baggage and there is no way I am letting it go. So, hence for thou, I am not going to make this jump. I watch helplessly as both of my friends leap over the metal barrier as I stop to remove our luggage and throw it over. Isa waits for me and catches our cargo as it falls over the fence. I begin to climb and yell, "Run!"

Unfortunately for me—shocker right?—I feel a hand clutch onto my calf and pull me down. Gritting my teeth I hang onto the fence and start kicking my other foot out blindly. Isa looks behind him at Lara who is already walking backwards towards freedom. Then he looks at me and my eyes beg for him to run although the selfish part of me wants him to stay by my side. And shockingly enough…he does. With the most serious look Isa has ever had on his face, he dropped our bags and lifted his arms behind his head as he fell to his knees. My eyes widen in surprise and then I look up at Lara. We make eye contact and I feel like my tongue has turned into lead. Isn't this the part where I am supposed to tell her I love her? Isn't this the part where she runs back to me and sacrifices herself for my sake? Shit, I don't know what I am supposed to do. But, what I do know is that when I finally make eye contact with the girl I shared everything with, she has a hard steely look in her green irises.

She doesn't give me a look of sadness, pity, or even sorrow. She gives me the look of a stranger, as if I were a passerby on the street. Then she turns around and runs, she doesn't know where she is going, or how far to run…but she knows she has to run as fast as she can. And I am ok with that. I am ok with the bitter taste of fire crawling up my throat. I am ok with the sting of tears behind my closed eyelids. I'm ok with it all, because I know what it feels like to be a nobody. So, as I fall to the ground, an identical mirror of Isa, I look up to the sky and feel my selfish heart break into pieces.

* * *

"Excuse me mam, but do you know this boy?"

I don't look up. I know the answer. _Yes._

"Who is he to you?"

I don't look up. _My son._

"Do you understand that we are going to take him into custody for possession of illegal drugs?"

I don't look up. _I understand._

"Do you have any last words you would like to say?"

I don't look up and the door slams shut.

* * *

_You know when you get so cold your body feels numb? Like your body doesn't even think that offering you the pleasure of sensation is worth the effort. You know when your eyes are closed for so long you just let yourself believe that there is no light? You know when you get so tired that you just give up before you even tried? _

_ Yeah, well I do._

* * *

Isa and I had only been in this jailhouse for over a month before the incident happened. That morning began and ended in disaster. I woke up to the sound of screams and gun shots. Standing up as fast as I could I threw myself at the cell bars and looked out into the halls. Police officers were blowing whistles and running in a panic. At first I didn't understand, but then I saw them.

Black, yellow eyed creatures wobbled from cell to cell searching for something to satisfy their hunger. The monsters were so small and frail looking, how could they be causing so much damage? But, that was exactly it. They were monsters and acted as such. Hearing another scream, I turned around to find Isa lying on his back with half of the black creature's arm in his chest. Bile formed in my throat as I watched Isa's soul and heart slip from his body and into the small hands of the dark monster. The heart was still beating and shone with a light I never knew Isa possessed. Unexpectedly, the heart disappeared within the folds of the dark beast and I lost it.

Spinning towards the bars once again, I yelled at an officer to open the cells and let us free. To my utter shock, one officer turned around and sneered in my face, "Why would I open these cells for a bunch of nobodies?"

My hands slipped from the bars and I felt what little bit of hope I had left drift into the chaos around me. Suddenly, I began to wonder if I even had a heart for the monsters to take.

Well, I guess I did.

**Sorry for the super long first chapter but this is a sort of prologue for the rest of the story. I hope you all enjoyed it! More will be coming soon! Thanks for reading.**

** *Sue-per Z**


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